Where did I go?
Feel better in myself a little as the 6 weeks holidays have finally arrived but I need to get myself back on track before I start again in September.
I’m gonna take this time to do the things I’ve missed and enjoyed over the school year. Hopefully I will relax and feel even better than I already do!
Does my life not have the same love story I fall in love with over and over again?
Have I got my happy ending? Am I happy with my happy ending?
Too many of these thoughts running through my mind right now.
I hate my life. I don’t know why. I just hate it right now. Hate it to the point where I think about doing things.
I’m such a selfish cow.
…if I’ve fucked my life up or not? Whether I’m in love or just love? Want to change or not? Whether I’m a different person to the person I was 7 years ago?
When and why did things get so complicated?
I’ve been in dark since my grandad died. I know because I remember how the sun stings my eyes and the night scares me. It’s not been nice. As I’ve grown older I’ve come to realise that I am a loner in many respects. I have a partner, a great family and a few friends but in reality I have no one who I feel comfortable enough with to talk about how I feel.
I had a horrendous dream last night. In all respects it was a nightmare for me. I awoke crying and shaking and scared. I did not want to tell my partner so I let him sleep whilst I urged the dream and the feelings with it away.
It’s funny because I have no idea how to change me. How to will me to be vocal with my feelings to those I love the most. I’m still a very scared little girl and I hide this by having a busy career. I hide it well. A little too well.
No one asks how I feel. No one asks what I’m up to. No one asks if I want to join them. No one really cares. Most of the I’m okay with this. I’m not okay with it right now but I’ll plough on until I remember that I am that lonely little girl who tries to fit in, but never really will.
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What is this picture really 😂
Scariest character ever in my opinion!